Hashtag Single

Are you stumbling around in the dark blindly, looking for love or a relationship?  Certainly sometimes online dating can feel that way, especially in NYC.  Enter Amber Lee, CEO, Founder, and matchmaker at Select Date Society, a luxury matchmaking service working with high income earners and high caliber singles, that she started in the pandemic after a life-threatening and unexpected cardiac arrest while driving made her realize how life is short and there's no time like the present to go after one's dreams. 

Now if you're like me you're thinking: I may be high caliber, but I'm not high income! -- no problem!  You can still become part of Select Date Society's network of singles looking for love. 

This episode title is a bit tongue-in-cheek, as Amber's husband is actually visually impaired.  After telling me the story of how they met, she challenged me to watch the Netflix show "Love is Blind" and you guys... I have some THOUGHTS on this show!!!!

Before I get carried away with more bad puns about... ahem... visualizing your future relationship, I'll sum it up by announcing that for the summer of 2022 I've been issued a dating challenge by Amber to see if I can't change my First Date Dropoff problem - and you all are gonna hold me accountable!!!

Learn more about Amber here.

Join the Select Date Society network here.

My single guest this month is Annie, a wine enthusiast and educator, and we agree on two things:  first, dating apps suck, and second, the 1984 classic adventure-comedy film "Romancing the Stone" is one of the best rom-coms of all time. 

 

The problem of course is the set up: like a lot of unwitting screen heroines of her time, Kathleen Turner plays a woman who was guaranteed a drab existence until her life is suddenly transformed by the entrance of a stubborn and lonely man who also happens to be handsome and adventurous.  They hate each other and they endure each other's company until one day they realize they're mad about each other and they can't live without one another.

 

Listen. In 2022, each of them would have thrown in the towel and gone back to swiping before the first day of silent treatment was even over.  Adding to this, as we get older, dating gets harder because we are simultaneously becoming more specific about what we want our own lives to look life and we're less open to say, going on crazy adventures in Columbia.  But also our barrier for what is "okay" - that is, decent and acceptable behavior - becomes a lot stronger and tougher to ignore. 

 

So what's a complex (and a bit nutty) single badass female gonna do?  We discuss aging, app dating and more.  Pour yourself a glass of vine and be sure to stay to the end where we dish out some tough feminist advice to our VOP!

So what exactly has changed in society around gender and sexuality in the last four years?  Maybe it feels like we've made progress by gaining certain freedoms while at the same time things have also become way more complicated? If that resonates with you, you're in good company.  

 

Fortunately for all of us I have THE most incredibly savvy, smart, sharp-witted human, Arielle Isaac Norman, a self-proclaimed "gender-flexing, five-star lesbian" who is creator and co-host of Gender Fluids podcast joining me to excavate and examine the culture of questioning and what it means to redefine partnership in a post- gender normative world. 

 

We also cover the transition from Mormonism to gender queerness, living in a poly commune, and best of all, using comedy to address topics surrounding sexuality and gender queerness in an open, vulnerable way that invites conversation.  Believe me, I support your crushing on this fabulous multi-hyphenate creative as much as I am!

 

Want more Arielle?

Listen to Gender Fluids on Apple Podcasts here

Learn more about Arielle's comedy here

Hey. How are u

?

 

Yup, we're tired of it too.  If you're starting to feel as if the world no longer knows how to hold an actual conversation, you'll enjoy this talk I have with gender and communications professor Dr. Cassandra LeClair about accountability on dating apps, post-pandemic overwhelm, and the overall breakdown of boundaries in our dating experience and expectations.

 

Cassandra's journey to pursuing an understanding in communicating interpersonal needs and boundaries has always been clear, even if understanding why she felt the need to address unspoken fears, guilt, and shame was hidden beneath years of her own trauma.  It took a dramatic accident for her to suddenly come to terms with the stories she had been telling herself, cloaked under the mantra, "I'm fine." If you yourself have used "I'm fine" to muscle your way through hurt or pain, you're not alone.  Women often internalize shameful experiences as a normal part of growing up or "just the way things are" until they're able to heal themselves.  

 

Wait till the end when I finally get to ask the question I've always wanted to know the answer to:  Do women and men just have totally different expectations with communication?

 

Learn more about Cassandra here

Buy her book on Amazon here

Listen to her podcast

There's a superstition amongst creative people - especially amongst stand-up comedians - that if you're happy and in a successful, fulfilled relationship, that you'll lose your hunger for the art, or worse, the edge to your comedy.  It comes out of the ancient idea that in order to be an artists, one needs to suffer for their art.  So I sat down with two single comedians to find out if there's any truth to that old belief.  Can comedians and creatives actually have successful traditional relationships, or do they just end up self-sabotaging because their passion always comes first?

 

Along the way, we also discuss the bizarre landscape that is being a woman who is always a little in fear of meeting strangers for a date, outsourcing your dating apps to your mom, and the value of a phone number.  Especially when someone sends you an unsolicited hairy belly button.

 

Join me as I chat all things single and happiness with two funny people who take the time to get real with me and give me the skinny on dating while working in comedy.

 

Want more of Abby & Paul?

Abby's upcoming shows

Paul's upcoming shows

If you're a badass feminist *obsessed* with Wordle (raises hand), let me introduce you to the goddess of words, Lizzie Skurnick, whose recent book "Pretty Bitches: On Being Called Crazy, Angry, Bossy, Frumpy, Feisty, and All the Other Words That Are Used to Undermine Women" is part memoir, part dramaturgical examination, and part exorcism of the words that have pained, broken, and oppressed women for decades of their lives.

If you've ever felt restricted by a word, shamed by a word, or called something you thought about for a week afterwards, you are not alone.  It's time to throw off the shame of language.  You will feel stronger after reading the essays in this book, and you will realize -single or no - that none of us are truly alone.

Happy Women's History Month.

Buy the book on Amazon here.

Buy the book at an NYC independent bookstore owned by WOC here.

Learn more about Lizzie here.

I don't know if this makes us "good girls" or not but we looooove talking about sex on #single! 

 

So this month I've invited transformational workshop leader, author, speaker, life coach and sex educator - and of course, podcast creator and host - Leah Carey to join me to talk about her life, journey and all the things that go into her podcast Good Girls Talk About Sex.  We cover some spicy hot topics like sexual agency, informed consent, sexual coercion, and where sex actually fits into singlehood (and no, we're not just talking masturbation).

 

Join us on this juicy ride into exploring our sexualities as part of discovering who we are by naming what we actually need.

 

Learn more about Leah here.

Work with Leah here.

Listen to Good Girls Talk About Sex here

Leah's favorite episode - Part 1 and Part 2

A lone girl sits on a busy New York City subway. She is huddled in a warm, burgendy down coat and pink hat, in sharp contrast to the fluorescent lights and cold metal that's around her. She is intently reading something on her phone and as she scrolls a flush comes to her cheeks and her eyes widen in interest. The small rosebud "O" of her mouth is hidden beneath her KN95 mask.  A burly man in construction books sits down with a thud next to her, startling her focus.  She can't help but notice his thick thighs tightly stretched against the denim of his jeans, manspreading his way towards her....

.... What do you think?  Not bad for a first try? This month I can't wait to introduce you to Rachel Kramer Bussel, wonderwoman of a million literary things but this month, editor of the newly released anthology of erotica, "The Big Book of Orgasms, Volume 2." 

I was lucky enough to be sent an early copy of this book to read as well as an earlier book she edited that was released in July 2021 entitled "Coming Soon: Women's Orgasm Erotica" and read both in tandem, switching back and forth between the two (often on the subway!).  In this episode, Rachel and I chat about what got her started in writing and editing erotica, how erotica can help us discover what turns us on without fear of shame or judgement, and why fantasy is such a necessary part of a healthy sex life, whether you're single or partnered.

The Big Book of Orgasms released February 8th, 2022 for all of you looking to spice up your solo sex lives this V-Day and I highly recommend both books to treat yourself right! :)

Buy the The Big Book on Amazon here.

Buy Coming Soon at an independent retailer here.

Learn more about Rachel here.

Submit your own erotica for consideration of publication here!

#Newyearnewidea  We all could use a little change right now, and I thought it'd be fun to do something a little different.  This year I'm kicking off a Podcast Exchange, where I interview the host of another podcast that's also talking about relationships and dating to see what their hot topics are, what inspires them, and whcih episodes really resonate with other single women in their audience.

 

This month I'm honored to have dating coach, speaker, former matchmaker and CEO of Date Brazen Lily Womble, whose podcast - aptly named Date Brazen the Podcast - addresses weekly hot topics that come up in her coaching sessions as well as key strategies to work through them.  We chat through some of my favorite episodes, which cover topics such as dating as self-care, protecting your heart-time, and redefining dating ROI.  

 

If you're finding you need a little swipecation to learn how to redefine your personal ROI so that you don't become disheartened when you don't reach a specific goal, don't miss this episode with encouraging support and insight from one of today's hottest dating coaches.

 

Learn more about Lily here.

Download Lily's free guide to dating as self care here

Work with Lily

Listen to The Date Brazen Podcast

We begin 2022's new author series with Alisson Wood, whose first book "Being Lolita" is a memoir of the forbidden romance she had with her high school English teacher. 

 

For the women who have been victims of a sexual predator, of sexual assault, of sexual trauma, especially as a teenager, Alisson wants you to know:

You are not alone.

You are seen.

You are validated.

You are understood.

 

And while this may initially seem like a bit of a left turn for #single, there are universal themes that emerge in Alisson's book that are not new territory for this podcast, including blame for bad or broken relationships as our fault or failure, society's virgin/ whore dichotomy, as well as talking about how the over-sexualization of teenage girls in early 2000s culture helped undermine our power & authority as young women.

 

If this sounds intense - it IS, culturally speaking - but this episode is not.  Because Alisson (and to an extent, myself) got the F out of these relationships and emerged stronger on the other side.   I hope you are inspired and encouraged by this beautiful warrior's truth and by our conversation that reclaims her story.

 

Learn more about Alisson here.

Buy her book here on Amazon and here from The Lit Bar, a WOC-owned independent bookstore in the Bronx