Hashtag Single

EP 79: THE 35-YEAR-YOUNG VIRGIN

Sonali is a radiant single woman who, at the blushing age of 35, is proudly still a virgin.  Raised in a conservative Indian household, her family restricted her interactions socially, not just with boys her own age but girls as well, which meant she had limited social development until she went to college.  Once there however, she wasn't allowed to stay on campus and commuted back-and-forth the entire time.  This upbringing, in addition to her own strong beliefs about sex and one-night stands, has led her to become the 35-year-old virgin she is today.

There are a lot of cultures and religions that forbid sex before marriage, but how does that fit into modern day dating?  If and when do you tell the person that you're dating that not only are you not sexually active, but the person you intend to lose your virginity to will be your husband?  Will that scare potential suitors away or weed out the ones who aren't the right match?

Sonali and I trade thoughts on this very hot topic, and we include thoughts from Dr. Phil who gave Sonali his opinion on this question in 2020.  VOP Jason joins the convo to debate why the institution of marriage is falling out of favor, as well as his perspective growing up in a family that was not as sexually conservative as Sonali's but just as intentional about maintaining their family's cultural roots, traditions, and belief systems.

We'd love to hear what you think! 

Watch Sonali on Dr. Phil here

 

 

EP 78: SOCIETAL CHICKEN

It all started with a story of getting picked up while walking down the street, leading to the innocuous question by Josh (our VOP): "How do I approach a woman in public without scaring her or offending her?"

If you listened to our last episode, you'll learn that I went on a solo group trip with Flash Pack to Peru in July, and there I met singles Elizabeth and Josh, who I got to have a lively conversation with over dinner one night in Urubamba.  It's totally scary to approach a stranger in public and ask them out on a date, but Elizabeth and I believe that half the time we have to give men the permission, letting them know that it's okay to approach us and ask us out - if done respectfully.  Thus: societal chicken.

Along the way we discuss the difficulties of being a career-driven women who has spent a good portion of her life in training or in school and hasn't prioritized dating, and the wins and losses that come with that choice, as well as the shortened timeline all adults in their late 30's and 40s experience whilst trying to date.

Lots to chew on in this reprieved Peruvian dinner convo!  We love to hear your thoughts - drop us a DM or comment & let us know your thoughts!

EP 77: TRAVELING WITHOUT YOUR MATE(S) | Lee Thompson

This summer we've featured some ways to get off the awful dating apps and meet people back in the real world, aka IRL dating.  While City Swoon and We Met IRL are fantastic speed dating companies you should definitely be checking out (see Episodes 74 & 75), this episode is still in keeping with IRL dating experiences, but it's also a bit more.

In July I traveled to Peru with a company called Flack Pack, a boutique adventure travel company offering excursions for solo group travel for people in the 30's and 40's.  Co-founder Lee Thompson found that in his 30's he wanted to see the world, but friends were often unavailable, and because he and his co-founder Radha Vyas (now wife!) couldn't find any cool companies that catered to their age group, they decided to create their own.

You could meet someone on a solo group trip to Peru or elsewhere, but their mission is broader: to create one million friendships.  It's extremely difficult to create and maintain a friend group, especially as we get older and especially as a single person.  It's simultaneously so essential to our well-being and in a post-pandemic time, it couldn't be more crucial.  So while Flash Pack is about joining like-minded people for the trip of a lifetime, it's even more so about human connection and community.  

I'm so excited to sit down with Lee to learn about how he went from a viral "selfie with Jesus" to one of the leading travel group companies.  We also talk about Flash Pack's new blog series SOLO and why it's so important to be having honest conversations about loneliness right now. 

I hope this episode inspires you - if you're itching to travel you don't need to wait for anyone to show up in your life to do so.  Say yes to yourself and go out and see the world! 

Learn more about Flash Pack here!

EP 76: SO WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?

Have you ever asked other single women just how many times they've been asked that dreaded question "Why are you single?" It's pervasive in our culture.  But what happens when your date says it to you?? Or what if - as in the case of our guest Tara - your date actually has the balls to ask WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Honestly... what is wrong with PEOPLE.

For some reason it's unsettling to meet a woman in her 40's with no kids and who's single.  Why? Because if you don't fit in a box, people don't really know what to do with you.  And that's terrifying.

Joining Tara as our VOP is my now very infamous friend Greg who, once upon a time, convinced me to start this podcast in the first place.  He's now single and he actually met Tara on Hinge, but they decided they're better off friends. Last month, Greg introduced me to Tara and we hit it off on so many levels. Curious how people meet on dating apps but maneuver the transition to friends?  Listen in to hear from Greg and his approach to friendship and women in general, and you'll understand how we've been friends for thirteen years :). 

 

 

EP 75: MEETING IRL, INTENTIONALLY

If you're still feeling like you need to shake things up a bit with your IRL dating game, enter Maxine Waters, an incredible entrepreneur and visionary whose BRAND NEW - as in, they literally hosted their very first event six months ago - speed dating company We Met IRL is completely changing the game.

Frustrated after attending a speed dating event that she felt wasn't very diverse, Maxine decided to do the thing that many of us talk about and never execute: if she couldn't find speed dating events that were specifically for women of color, she would make one.  We Met IRL is a safe space specifically and intentionally made for people of color to meet, get to know one another in a post-pandemic world, and possibly even fall in love.

Join us to learn how Maxine took her idea to a company that is fielding partnership requests, going on tour around the USA, and being featured in the NY Times - all in under a year.  We love a badass female entrepreneur and we love anyone who's making change for good in the dating game!  

Curious and want to attend? Sign up here.

EP 74: GET BACK TO IRL DATING | Benjamin Goodman

If you like ahem, all of us, are tired of the dusty dating apps that lead to nowhere and are chomping at the bit for a Hot Girl Summer 2022, we got you!  We're about to introduce you to companies that are shaking things up on the dating scene IRL - that's right, in real life.  Just like 2005 all over again.

Benjamin Goodman is the Marketing and Events Consultant of international speed dating company City Swoon.  City Swoon is different than your average speed dating service because it pairs the original structure of speed dating with an app-like algorithm to ensure you actually meet people you'd be interested in dating!  *mind blown*  This company is so successful they boast events in 8 cities across America, 6 cities in Australia, 2 in Canada, and the UK coming soon.

If you're IRL-curious, Ben breaks City Swoon down for you.  I've done two City Swoon experiences and I've really enjoyed it!  And heres a very special #single offer - the first 10 listeners that write in to admincontact@gmail.com will receive a special offer from CitySwoon!  You literally have no excuse.  Get dating, pals!

I'm in!  Where do I learn more?

Speed Dating near me with Amazing Singles +Virtual +Local Events | Cityswoon

EP 73: LOOKING FOR LOVE... BLINDLY | Amber Lee

Are you stumbling around in the dark blindly, looking for love or a relationship?  Certainly sometimes online dating can feel that way, especially in NYC.  Enter Amber Lee, CEO, Founder, and matchmaker at Select Date Society, a luxury matchmaking service working with high income earners and high caliber singles, that she started in the pandemic after a life-threatening and unexpected cardiac arrest while driving made her realize how life is short and there's no time like the present to go after one's dreams. 

Now if you're like me you're thinking: I may be high caliber, but I'm not high income! -- no problem!  You can still become part of Select Date Society's network of singles looking for love. 

This episode title is a bit tongue-in-cheek, as Amber's husband is actually visually impaired.  After telling me the story of how they met, she challenged me to watch the Netflix show "Love is Blind" and you guys... I have some THOUGHTS on this show!!!!

Before I get carried away with more bad puns about... ahem... visualizing your future relationship, I'll sum it up by announcing that for the summer of 2022 I've been issued a dating challenge by Amber to see if I can't change my First Date Dropoff problem - and you all are gonna hold me accountable!!!

Learn more about Amber here.

Join the Select Date Society network here.

EP 72: AGED LIKE A FINE WINE: COMPLEX & A BIT NUTTY

My single guest this month is Annie, a wine enthusiast and educator, and we agree on two things:  first, dating apps suck, and second, the 1984 classic adventure-comedy film "Romancing the Stone" is one of the best rom-coms of all time. 

 

The problem of course is the set up: like a lot of unwitting screen heroines of her time, Kathleen Turner plays a woman who was guaranteed a drab existence until her life is suddenly transformed by the entrance of a stubborn and lonely man who also happens to be handsome and adventurous.  They hate each other and they endure each other's company until one day they realize they're mad about each other and they can't live without one another.

 

Listen. In 2022, each of them would have thrown in the towel and gone back to swiping before the first day of silent treatment was even over.  Adding to this, as we get older, dating gets harder because we are simultaneously becoming more specific about what we want our own lives to look life and we're less open to say, going on crazy adventures in Columbia.  But also our barrier for what is "okay" - that is, decent and acceptable behavior - becomes a lot stronger and tougher to ignore. 

 

So what's a complex (and a bit nutty) single badass female gonna do?  We discuss aging, app dating and more.  Pour yourself a glass of vine and be sure to stay to the end where we dish out some tough feminist advice to our VOP!

EP 71: REDEFINING PARTNERSHIP w Gender Fluids

So what exactly has changed in society around gender and sexuality in the last four years?  Maybe it feels like we've made progress by gaining certain freedoms while at the same time things have also become way more complicated? If that resonates with you, you're in good company.  

 

Fortunately for all of us I have THE most incredibly savvy, smart, sharp-witted human, Arielle Isaac Norman, a self-proclaimed "gender-flexing, five-star lesbian" who is creator and co-host of Gender Fluids podcast joining me to excavate and examine the culture of questioning and what it means to redefine partnership in a post- gender normative world. 

 

We also cover the transition from Mormonism to gender queerness, living in a poly commune, and best of all, using comedy to address topics surrounding sexuality and gender queerness in an open, vulnerable way that invites conversation.  Believe me, I support your crushing on this fabulous multi-hyphenate creative as much as I am!

 

Want more Arielle?

Listen to Gender Fluids on Apple Podcasts here

Learn more about Arielle's comedy here

EP 70: I’M FINE | Cassandra LeClair

Hey. How are u

?

 

Yup, we're tired of it too.  If you're starting to feel as if the world no longer knows how to hold an actual conversation, you'll enjoy this talk I have with gender and communications professor Dr. Cassandra LeClair about accountability on dating apps, post-pandemic overwhelm, and the overall breakdown of boundaries in our dating experience and expectations.

 

Cassandra's journey to pursuing an understanding in communicating interpersonal needs and boundaries has always been clear, even if understanding why she felt the need to address unspoken fears, guilt, and shame was hidden beneath years of her own trauma.  It took a dramatic accident for her to suddenly come to terms with the stories she had been telling herself, cloaked under the mantra, "I'm fine." If you yourself have used "I'm fine" to muscle your way through hurt or pain, you're not alone.  Women often internalize shameful experiences as a normal part of growing up or "just the way things are" until they're able to heal themselves.  

 

Wait till the end when I finally get to ask the question I've always wanted to know the answer to:  Do women and men just have totally different expectations with communication?

 

Learn more about Cassandra here

Buy her book on Amazon here

Listen to her podcast