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EP 18: THE SOCIAL CONTRACT OF DATING

January 14th, 2020

Hey ladies: Ever stay on a date an hour longer than you wanted to because you "felt bad" leaving early?  Ever go on a date you didn't really want to go on because you couldn't figure out how to get out of it?  Ever talk to a persistent pursuer on the subway or in a cab in a way that you thought was a polite turn down but he just didn't pick up on?

 

As women, a lot of us have been there.  Is it because at some point along the way we must have been taught to be polite and not hurt someone's feelings?  Or do we innately act a certain way to prevent a threatening response from the other person?  My guest Liz and I wonder why it is that as women we just can't seem to find the words to remove ourselves properly from these situations.  

 

And don't even get us going on showing up in a crappy T-shirt with a Monster drink or commenting on how large our ass is or telling us that he really doesn't care if you're successful. . . !!  Liz and I trade horror stories of badly behaved men who just can't seem to pick up on our social cues, while VOP Walker pipes in about why men prefer dogs over cats (and pets over women).  

 

Gotta horror story to share?  We'd love to hear them!  Happy 2020 y'all. . . let's hope it gets better.  

EP 17: FOR SINGLES WITH $INGLES

December 23rd, 2019

Ever look through the Self Help or Advice section of Barnes & Noble --- err, actually Amazon Books -- well actually actually amazon.com, let's be real here -- and think, "Man!  None of these books apply to me!!"  Well you're finally in luck, because one badass feminist writer wrote a book JUST FOR US!  "Singles: Take Control of Your Own Financial Journey" author Laura M. Oliver joins #single to share her views on the pros and cons of being single financially, what you can do to get your own self economically sound regardless of your past, and answers for us the ultimate money question:  Who really should be paying on dates??

 

Laura M. Oliver is a deal seeking expert, writer, blogger and public speaker. She founded afrugalchick.com as a way to help people find deals on their everyday expenses during the recession. In the ten years to follow she has spoken at over 2,000 churches, community centers, and private functions about using coupons and saving money. She has been featured on Fox News, MainStreet.com, WSJ.com and in The Virginian-Pilot and The Daily Press. Oliver lives in Chesapeake, VA with her super loving (and annoying) cat, Bella.

 

BUY LAURA'S BOOK here!

Learn more about Laura here!

EP 16: YOUR LOVE GURU

December 11th, 2019

Guru (Sanskrit: "venerable") in Hinduism, a personal spiritual teacher or guide.

 

Our guest this month is Priyanka, who may not know this but is officially becoming the love guru of #single.  Full of wisdom, confidence, conviction, and inner strength, this powerhouse Indian feminist knows what she wants in life and in a partner (whether they be alive or dead).  Through an incredibly rich international upbringing she has navigated all the highs and lows of dating, from Indian aunties setting her up, to long-term teenage commitment, landing now in the complex New York world of online dating, all the while just trying to find a sexy Alpha entrepreneurial male who has worked on himself as much as she has.  This girl has literally seen it all.

 

We hope you enjoy listening to her gorgeous melodic voice as much as we did and find some beautiful nuggets of wisdom along the way.  Parvati is the Hindu goddess of love, but here in NYC our goddess of dating is officially Priyanka.

 

 

EP 15: DATING IS A COMEDY SHOW

November 6th, 2019

Dating's only tolerable if we can laugh about it, right? (I mean. . . you are listening to this podcast, after all)  So for the second October episode of #single (recorded October 31st, because being single is the spooooookiest costume of all) I decided to bring in two professional comedians who have made us laugh based on their own horrific experiences of dating online to talk about what it is about live performance that makes this content so relatable, as well the process of taking something potentially negative and using it as a creative mechanism to connect with others in a shared experience.

 

Also, we talk about the dating sub-sect of colonial reinterpreters and if butter-churning women have got you craving some period costume. . .  please email us.

 

Robyn Lynne Norris is the creator of #Date Me: An OKCupid Experiment, where she and co-writer Bob Ladewig cooked up 38 "undateable" profiles.  What started out as a cathartic way to express fears around her own singledom and "undateability" quickly spiraled into an exploration into all that humanity has to offer in the single world.  The show ran for three years in Chicago and just recently ran for ten weeks in NYC.  She currently lives in Los Angeles where she teaches and peforms at Second City Hollywood & M.i's Westside Comedy Theater.

 

Andrés Govea is a Brooklyn-based stand up comedian.  They have been featured at Brooklyn Comedy Festival, Brooklyn Comedy Collective, Union Hall, and has been a featured guest on Chris Gethard Presents as the "Sexy Talk" rep, a phone-in segment where people call in to share sex & dating stories.

 

EP 14: PUT YOUR OWN OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST

October 29th, 2019

Real talk:  we're all unfinished human beings.  We're all working on bettering ourselves, going to yoga, meditating, medicating, and practicing self care, aren't we?

 

WAIT, AREN'T WE??  I don't know if you know this, but dating online is a minefield of red flags and you best be your best self before you even think about taking it on.  It can be emotionally traumatizing and also, not for nothing, but if you're not working on yourself, how can you really - REALLY - be ready for the challenges of partnering up with another human being?

 

Listen in as Jeanette is joined by self-admitting work-in-progress Rachel as we hash out the importance of knowing your values and setting your boundaries, and then strap yourself in for a doozy, cause Jeanette brings to the table an insane post-first-date interaction you do NOT want to miss.  Ever felt judged on a date?  Ever felt evaluated just for your looks or by what you have or have not achieved?  Wanna know what some men really think when women say they "don't need a man to take care of them?"  We cover all this and more.  This one might rub everyone the wrong way so hang in tight, grab a glass, and feel free to leave your comments below.  Enjoy!

EP 13: HOME IMPROVEMENT WHILE SINGLE

September 10th, 2019

OKAY ladies, hands up - who owns a drill?  You better all have your hands up because home improvement while single is NO JOKE.  And as my guest Emily and I exchange some rather entertaining anecdotes of attempting to do a two-person job just on your lonesome, we realized one very important thing:  that when you're a woman, accomplishment of any particular challenging physical job becomes in a way a sort of challenge.  As in, "Oh I'm supposed to have someone in my life do this for me?!  Watch this, Society!!  F U Patriarchy!!" {{enter obscene finger/ arm gestures, if needed}}

 

Shoe cabinet/ bed assembly aside, we agree there's things in life that are simply easier when shared by others.  Such as dishes, and cleaning, and decision making, and pizza making, so that when some a**hole asks you just how big of a sausage you like, you can tell them to go F themselves.   Which really we should all be doing anyway.  VOP Tom chimes in to share his perception on why men just can't help but make lewd remarks every bleeping time they message you.  You won't wanna miss this one - it gets preeeeetty dark, but we bet you'll never think about dating apps the same way again.  Or pizza.

 

EP 12: YOU CAN’T CONTROL THE OUTCOME

August 20th, 2019

Hello Single World!  Thing have been a-changin' here at #single.  The first thing you'll notice is that we've gone from two hosts down to one.  What can we say?  Even podcast hosts don't stay together forever.  Womp-womp.  We'll miss you Traci!!

 

So to excuse our being MIA in your lives all summer, we've got a special treat:  This episode features dating coach Rachel Moss of online dating coaching site A Good First Date to give all our listeners her tips and tricks on what makes a successful dating profile and how to approach dating so it's most effective for the both of you.  And then Jeanette gets in the hotseat and allows Rachel to give her some live one-on-one coaching which is interesting because this episode's V.O.P is someone she went on a date with!

 

Duhn - duhn - duhn!!!!

 

What will happen when Rahul is confronted with the real reason Jeanette didn't want a first date?  How awkward will this conversation be?  Will Rachel be successful in shipping them back together?  Listen in and find out! 

EP 11: DATING SUCKS IN EVERY LANGUAGE

May 7th, 2019

This month we are celebrating Asian Pacific Heritage Month with an incredibly deep conversation with two Asian-American New Yorkers, Cindy and David, about the influence one's cultural heritage has on their attraction to people of certain ethnicities.

 

Ever contemplate the mechanics of desire?  Why it is that you're attracted to people of one race or another?  Following up on two other podcasts that explore this topic, Escape from Plan A (Ep. 75: Analyzing NPR Invisibilia's Podcast On Racial Attraction) and NPR's Invisibilia (A Very Offensive Rom-Com), we dive into unearthing why it's important to find a partner with the same cultural values, based both on current struggles and the history of systemic racism in America.

 

If it sounds intense -- it IS!  But this is #single, y'all and we never take ourselves too seriously.  We hope you approach this ep with an open mind and some curiosity around how people of different cultures can learn to find some common ground in this dating game we call love.  Because after all, everyone hates a "Hey" message.  :) 

 

 

EP 10: THE TALK

April 16th, 2019

Are you ready to have the talk with someone you are dating? Do you miss meeting people in real life or are you more comfortable chatting online until you eventually meet in a bar?

On today’s episode, Traci Redmond talks to Jessica about how to bring up the topic of moving from casually dating to being in a relationship, how approaching people IRL is nerve wracking for both people (but oh how we miss it!), and how people rarely allow themselves vulnerable. Traci learns what a Claddagh ring is and how to properly wear it- don’t get it wrong, folks!

Also, find out what our VoP, David, has in common with our host, that we may have discovered a new tag line for dating, and so much more on this episode of #single.

EP 9: YOUR DATE-O-METER IS BROKEN

April 2nd, 2019

Ever feel like your Date-o-Meter is broken?  We do.  All. The. Time. 

 

Join Jeanette and guest Taylor as we analyze and dismantle the conundrum of the "Ejection Disclaimer" - an easy-out excuse that gets used when people kiiiinda still wanna hang, but also don't want to commit fully.  Wait, commitment?  Does anyone even want that anymore!?  How is it that our grandparents could meet in their hometown dance and stay married for 60 years, yet we have the entire catalogue of NYC singles in our literal pockets and no one can seem to be able to find the right person??

 

If you're tired of the hamster wheel of app dating that has everyone looking for A+++ and more, you'll relate to this fantastic episode with Taylor and - PLOT TWIST! - her former romantic partner Ned, repping the patriarchy.  Enjoy!

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