EP 29: SEX ED. . . BUT FUNNY

What if you had an unapologetic, informed, entrepreneurial, badass comedienne as your sex ed teacher?  Maybe you woulda listened more in high school, right?  And it mighta saved you a few years of awkward, uncomfortable, and plain old bad sex too.

Raylene Taskoski is the best friend, aunt, and sex ed teacher you always wished you'd had.  She's a motivational speaker and stand-up comedian who has spoken to over 10,000 women about sex over the last decade through sex toy parties, her keynote talk "Let's Talk about Sex: the Importance of Open, Honest Discussions about Women's Sexual Health," and her comedy show Stand Up Comedy Sex Ed.  For 13 years she's educated women about how their bodies work and why they work that way, and is a true believer in the importance of lube. :)  She's on a mission to improve the sex life of as many women as possible through communication and most importantly, laughter.

Raylene joins the #single family to tell us single women that the best thing we can do for ourselves, especially right now when we're likely to be isolated from sexual interactions, is to love ourselves - in both the emotional and physical way.  Here's two of her favorite products to make that happen, as mentioned in the episode:

TWILIGHT MOOD

JUST LIKE ME LUBE

Wanna have a virtual sex toy party with Raylene?  Hit her up here and tell her #single sent you!

EP 28: HOOK A GIRL UP!

Select all that are true: Dating online is frustrating.  Dating online is isolating.  Dating online is boring.  Swiping is tedious and does not lead to anything meaningful.(If you're like us:  ALL OF THE ABOVE.) 

Ever find yourself wondering if this is truly the only way to date?  I mean, your friends and family must know at least one single person, right?  Maybe two?  And if so, why the hell can't they just hook a girl up already?!

My 1:1 guest this month, Renee-Michele, and I discuss why exactly setting up your friends has fallen by the wayside in today's culture and more importantly, what we can do about it (Friend-of-a-Friend #single picnic, anyone?).  We also end up having a really important detour convo with our VOP Lee.

A small heads up:  To give context to his experience with matchmaking, Lee brings up a past experience with a woman he was in a relationship with who experienced vaginismus, a condition involving a muscle spasm in the pelvic floor muscles that makes it extremely painful, difficult, or impossible to have sexual intercourse or even insert a tampon.  While this condition is uncommon, and a result of various factors such as menopause, radiation, or gynecological surgery, it can also be a result of prior sexual trauma.  If this conversation feels particularly triggering to you, please proceed with caution.  Because we don't discuss any of this woman's surrounding circumstances, we're unable to address the issue with any real medical reference; however, I thought it was important to leave this topic in our episode because of the wider relation to our conversations around dating.  Sexual health issues are a large part of dating and are rarely - if ever - talked about with honesty and sensitivity.  If you'd like to learn more about vaginismus or other sexual health issues, we encourage you to visit https://www.womenshealth.gov/ or to speak to your gynecologist.  

EP 27: WE’RE ALL DATING APP JUNKIES

Well singles, we're heading into month THREE of quarantine and social isolation.  How's everyone doing out there?  Maybe jumping from app to app searching for a less shitty experience?  I hear you.  For this month's 1:1, I chat with my good friend Chris who like me is a dating app junkie.  We go head to head talking about the ones we've tried and then deleted and then downloaded again six months later.  

If you thought *I* had some crap dating stories, Chris has got some doozies that will be sure to make your mouth drop.  It's amazing to me how many men are still out there using women's vulnerability on a dating app for their own gain.  JUST KIDDING I'M NOT SURPRISED IN THE LEAST.  But if you don't believe this is happening, this episode will remind you just how tough it is to be an open, honest, kind, and trustworthy person on the internet.  

EP 26: EVERYONE WANTS TO PLAY TINDER

So here we are, two months into quarantine.  Chances are, you're sick of swiping right, getting ghosted, sifting through profiles, and unmatching (or getting unmatched yourself), and there's been a moment or two where you've thought:  there's gotta be a better app.

Enter Chorus, a female-led matchmaking app where friends swipe for friends.  It's a way for people in relationships to participate in online dating and support their friends in this culture that is now, as founder Emily Smith puts it, "notoriously kind of terrible."   Remember when you used to go to parties and you'd say to your friend, "Hey, who's that cute musician in the corner?  Is he single?  Can you introduce us?" and how, for whatever reason - one of them maybe being um, we're not allowed to have parties right now - that doesn't really happen anymore?  Emily, single herself, approached creating her app with that community vibe in mind.  We should all be helping our most beloved single friends find someone!!  I vote that dating should be a team effort from now on!  Help me out, tribe!!

If you're curious to check out a new approach to dating online, listen in to this episode where Emily & I talk about what it takes to build an app from the ground up, women and matchmaking, and why making a judgement on a stranger is inherently entertaining.  And then go to the app store and download Chorus!  Anybody can be a matchmaker and anybody can be on the app and it's 100% FREE!!!  

EP 25: YOUR SEXUAL QUARAN-TEAM

You're checking in with family.  You're exercising at home.  You're meditating and taking sanity walks and me time.  But... where's your sexuality in this quarantine?  

If you're single and in isolation (like me) I'm gonna guess it's preeeeetty dormant.  But this is a time of high stress, and whether or not you realize it, sex and stress are, er, bedmates.  On this episode I'm blessed to have two very badass women from the world of sex positivity, Dr. Jess O'Reilly and Marla Renee Stewart, who have recently teamed up to write a very cool new book called "The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay." 

Now, I know what you're thinking:  That sounds like a book for couples!  But here's what I learned from talking to these two women:  while the idea of seduction often operates in our culture on the assumption that you have a partner, in actually it isn't about "performing" or "achieving" but learning your own sexual/ seduction language in order to have more meaningful connections and to better understand your sexual values.  Ever wonder what your own personal seduction style is?  What exactly turns you on?  Why you have "chemistry" with some people and with others it's like flirting with a plaster wall?

This alone time is an awesome time to learn more about what makes you tick in order to have stronger interactions when we all get to date IRL once more.  I don't know about you, I'm gonna be armed and ready with my favorite movie sex scene at the ready. :)

Learn more about Dr. Jess here.

Learn more about Marla Renee Stewart here.

Learn more about the Sex Down South Conference here.

Buy the book here.

EP 24: THE MALE-FEMALE COMPETITION FALLACY

Real question:  If we're all looking for a partner to grow with, what if you're a woman who's already arrived?

For centuries women have been the family financial planner, strategist, and saver - and rightly so, because science has shown us that women are more likely than men to think long-term.  Meet Emilie Jerard, the most badass financial strategist out there, a self-taught bitcoin and cryptocurrency expert and advocate for individuals (especially women) to take control of their financial wellness with long-term strategy.  And this isn't even her job you guys, it's just her hobby.  Emilie holds two degrees and three jobs in the laboratory science and medical research field and -- YOU GUESSED IT.  This catch is m-f'ing single.  Whaaaat!  Turns out, when you're as intelligent as Emilie, you run into one of three problems:  1) You get friend-zoned a lot by your peer group, 2) Guys admit they're straight-up too intimidated by your success to date you, or 3) Men turn your relationship into a game of one upmanship as if there's an invisible success competition going on.  

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT.  

If you're a highly educated badass woman (which, of course you are, if you listen to this podcast) you don't want to miss this episode where we hash out the experiences Emilie has had and have our VOP Taylor weigh in on why men are so ridiculous around intelligent and successful women.  

Learn more about Emilie here!

Watch & subscribe to her YouTube Channel here!

Find Emilie's podcast CryptoTalk on Spotify, Google Play, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts

EP 23: LOVE IN THE TIME OF CORONA

Happy quarantine everyone!  The last week has been a doozy for all of us as we find our lives suddenly interrupted and altered, our schedules disrupted, our norms dismantled, and our social lives distanced.  After thinking it through, I decided I wanted to keep the podcast going as best I could.  So with the help of Gotham Podcast Studio, we recorded this episode virtually, with all three of us - me, my guest, and our tech - in our respective homes.  Technology is awesome :)!  Please forgive any difference in sound quality you might hear.

A lot of single people (myself included) are unsure of how to proceed in the dating world and LUCKY FOR ME I found the only relationship coach in the world who just also happens to be a behavioral scientist that specializes in infectious diseases whaaaaaaat!!  My guest Clarissa Silva has been featured as a guest expert on media platforms around the globe, and in this episode we chat about the pandemic impact on human behavior as a whole in terms of risk behavior, non-compliance, and the way humans have historically prioritized love over safety.  Listen in if you wanna hear Clarissa's predictions on what the immediate and long-term future will look like for dating... let's just sum it up with two little words:  VIDEO GHOSTING.  #yikes

This episode takes a hard look at the potential ways our society can and will need to change around mental health and companionship in the immediate future, so it's not for the faint of heart or for those of you who are still stuck in our good ol' friend Denial.  But if you wanna hear a scientist's take on the mechanics of dating in the time of pandemic, I hope you'll enjoy this incredible episode.  I certainly learned a lot.

Hit us up in the comments with any questions you have for Clarissa!  If you're interested in learning more about her Happiness Hypothesis dating program, click here.  

EP 22: DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR [ ]

Ever been told you're intimidating?   Ever been told you're too much?  Ever been told you're overwhelming, too educated, a know-it-all, too successful, aggressive or assertive?  

What about objectified?  For being a certain size, a certain shape, a certain weight,  a certain race?  How about just for being a f***king woman!???

This month we're joined by Leah V., a writer, model, body-positive activist and self-proclaimed "unashamed fat, black, Muslim" who is the absolute epitome of living a queenly badass existence.  Leah V. spills the deets on her love life and ten year marriage to a Muslim man who eventually came to reject the idea of marriage as a whole and land in a place of freedom and vocal empowerment.  We hash out what exactly is up with crappy opening lines (one more "Hey, how are you?" and we'll both vomit) and Darian joins us as the VOP to weigh in on why men feel the need to have status on a date.  

We hope you find this episode as juicy and empowering as ever, and that you fall in absolute love with the charming Leah V!  Buy her new book here!

EP 21: TAKING SEXY BACK

Happy Tuesday, singles!  We have an incredible guest expert episode for your February blahs.  Whether Valentine's Day has found you getting your groove on or Netflix-and-chillin' solo, renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Alexandra Solomon is here to share her uplifting and profound wisdom on reclaiming your sexuality as a thing of value and cultivating it in a way that feels authentic and aligned to you.

We are honored to have Dr. Solomon join us to talk about her new book Taking Sexy Back (a companion book to her acclaimed Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want) which sets out to dismantle the often conflicting, shame-inducing, and disempowering messages about sex instilled in us from birth in a patriarchal system.  Instead, Dr. Solomon encourages us to connect with our true sexual selves by taking "sexy" as an adjective and turning it into a noun, something you own that is yours.

From incomplete sex educations, why women fake orgasms, sexual shame for men, and non-relationship hookup sex, we cover a ton of ground to investigate how the broken parts of our culture prove a disservice to the beauty that is your gorgeous, sexual self.  Get ready for a deep dive look into your sexual story.  

Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is on faculty in the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences, and the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern University. She is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, and is on faculty at The Omega Institute. Her first book, Loving Bravely, was featured on The Today Show. She writes articles and chapters for leading academic journals and books in the field of marriage and family. She maintains a psychotherapy practice for individual adults and couples, teaches and trains marriage and family therapy graduate students, and teaches the internationally renowned undergraduate course, “Building Loving and Lasting Relationships: Marriage 101.” Solomon is a highly sought-after speaker who works with groups like the United States Military Academy at West Point, Microsoft, and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She is frequently asked to talk about love, sex, and marriage for media outlets like O, The Oprah Magazine; The Atlantic; Vogue; NPR; and Scientific American. She is an international speaker and teacher whose work has been featured on five continents. She lives in the Greater Chicago Area.

Buy Dr. Solomon's phenomenal book here!

EP 20: THAT NAGGING VOICE

"OMG it's Valentine's Day, I should have a partner I can go out with."

"OMG I'm nearly 30, I should be getting married by now, what's wrong with me?"

"OMG I'm turning 40, I should have a baby soon or I'll be out of time."

Sound familiar?  Probably we all have some version of that nagging voice in our heads that tells us we should be settling down, or should be following a "traditional" path, or should be elsewhere in our lives romantically than we are right now.  It's hard not to compare timelines to our friends, based on what society expects of us and don't even get us started on family pressures, oof.

It's SUPER easy to let societal messages get into your head, but you know what?  As our guest Chloe reminds us, "Just because you're in a relationship does not mean you're happy.  There's so much complication that comes with being in a romantic partnership, and it's not simple.  

This episode is for those who ever wondered if they were on the wrong path, and a gentle reminder that your path is your own.  Plus, we full on bash Tinder, which is always fun. :)  Happy Valentine's Day!