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EP 63: 2021 RECAP

Y'all!  What a year it's been!!  Most years when we hit December everyone says "wow this year flew by!" but dear god why did this one feel soooo loooong? 

In lieu of a 1:1 episode for December, I decided to do something new.  I created a little mashup of the choicest nuggets from all of this year's guest expert episodes.  I had such incredible conversations with inspiring women on a range of topics, from female empowerment to financial behavior to dating with children to being child-free and beyond.  If you didn't get the chance to listen to all twelve episodes this year in full or if you're just the kind of person that likes a nice sum-up, I hope this episode inspires and fuels you to a better 2022.  Enjoy!

Featuring (in order):

Acamea Deadwiler (author) - episode 41

Teresa Thomas, MS (therapist/ coach) - episode 43

Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell (psychologist) - episode 45

Dr. Megan Stubbs (sexologist) - episode 47

Leisse Wilcox (mindset coach) - episode 49

Sandra Hatton (matchmaker) - episode 51

Julie Griggs & Danielle Dietzek (dating app founders) - episode 53

Olivia Summerhill (financial consultant) - episode 55

Eirinn Disbrow & Anna Jaller (filmmakers) - episode 57

Alexandra Laplante (solo show artist) - episode 59

Katie Von Till & Julie Wittner (content creators) - episode 61

Lily Walford (dating coach) - episode 62

EP 62: GET DOWN WITH NLP | Lily Walford

Yeah you know me!  Who's down with NLP?  Every last homieeeee....

 

..... Sorry, couldn''t help myself.  If you're not familiar with NLP, those letters stand for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which comes down to how one communicates with the subconscious.  We all know that our brain is receiving thousands of signals in every moment that we're not even consciously aware of; NLP practitioners believe there is a connection between neurological processes (neuro-), language (linguistic) and behavioral patterns learned through experience (programming), and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life.  By knowing how to tap into this information, the goal is to find a true connection with a compatible partner.

 

That's where Lily Walford comes in.  Behavioral profiler, hypnotherapist, coach, and NLP trainer, Lily founded her company Love with Intelligence, to help people figure out why they are chasing love in a certain kind of way and also use body language analytics to see if someone is showing you their true selves vs just their public-facing persona.

 

We also chat about whether or not the me era creates singles who are too individualistic to realistically commit to a partnership and wrap things up with Lily's tips on maintaining your mental health during the holidays and through the end of 2021.

 

If this sounds juicy and you're NLP-curious, join us!  You can learn more about Lily and her company here.

EP 61: NOT MOMS | Katie Von Till and Julie Wittner

For my lady friends who do not have kids.... what does your friend group look like?  Do you also have friends who are child-free?  Or do you maybe have a lot of girlfriends you just plain haven't seen in a while, where your friendship has petered out a bit after they decided to have kids?

 

For a lot of single people who are of child-bearing age, especially women, the dropoff of your friend group can be particularly devastating.  Comedians Julie Whittner and Katie Von Till are two such women who met in an acting class but inevitably bonded over not just their child-free status but their determination to not ever become mothers.  Leaning into this idea, Katie and Julie decided to create a series pilot called "Not Moms" that highlights the trials, tribulations, highs and lows of losing your social group to parenthood.

 

If anyone has ever fed you a line of "hot having anyone to take care of you when you're old" or "not knowing the meaning of life" or "never experiencing true love," or if you've ever wondered if you made the wrong choice, no matter what that choice is, then you'll relate to this conversation I have with the Not Moms about how bullshit the whole gd system is.

 

"Not Moms" is currently on the festival circuit and therefore not available to the public, but we are rooting for its future life so we can improve the visibility and representation of child-free women on tv!

EP 60: THE DIVORCE PHOENIX

Rachel is a fabulous single woman with a fascinating story that starts with finding her husband at a Mormon college that has traditional gender roles, going to China as newlyweds, leaving him, returning to China, experimenting with dating both sexes there, and ultimately returning stateside to Colorado.  

 

Now... you don't have to necessarily move across the world to another country post-divorce, but In the process of trying to bend over backwards to make her marriage work, she ultimately lost so much of her true self that she found being in a strange city helped her process her emotions and reconnect with who she was at her core.

 

Similarly, our VOP Andrew picked up his life from conservative Christian Mississippi, where he married at a young age and moved to Utah as his divorce was finalizing.  And while both of these beautiful people suffered traumatic, tough experiences, they also found divorce to be a profound experience that they both needed to truly emerge as a stronger person more connected with their inner truth.

 

We're not saying you have to go to China or Utah to find yourself, but hey, if you have the opportunity to move cross country or across the world post-divorce, maybe try it.  #EatPrayLove, ya know?

EP 59: UNCONVENTIONALLY INTIMATE | Alexandra Laplante

Next up in our creativity series is Alexandra Laplante, a queer writer/ performer who talks about her journey from monogamy to cheating to polyamory in a solo storytelling piece called "Unconventionally Intimate" which in pre-pandemic times was staged and performed in people's apartments around NYC!

Alex shares her incredible story with us of how she used writing and ultimately performing to help her become honest and open with her sexuality and her core truths, and ultimately find peace with how she wanted to live her life.   She created this show because she believes there needs to be more representation of shame-free female sexuality, non-monogamy and bisexuality/ pansexuality in performances (and let's be honest, the world) and by crafting an intimate, private experience she invited people to let down their walls, be curious, and ask questions ... both to her and to themselves.

She's a fierce advocate for better depictions of non-traditional relationships in theater and we can't wait to see what she's cooking up next!

Learn more about Unconventionally Intimate here.

EP 58: DOES EFFORT = SUCCESS?

The online daters' dilemma: do I give this bad texter the benefit of the doubt and double down on my effort to coax them out of their shell?  Or do I take their lack of communication as a clue that they're really not all that interested and move on?

Related: in this day and age, do women still expect to be pursued a bit harder (courted, if you will?).... or does the "me culture" of 2021 prevent all of us from pursuing more than we're being pursued?

Spoiler:  we don't have answers in this episode.  But Shea and I, along with our VOP Daryl, debate who we feel should be putting in more effort (or in my case, any effort) to get to the date, in planning the date, and even on our beloved hot topic: paying for the date. 

If you're like one of us, who tend to approach dating with an arms-folded approach, join our convo as we discuss the obstacle no one ever talks about in dating: EFFORT.

EP 57: DATING: THE FILM AND SERIES | Eirinn Disbrow, Jonah Feingold, & Anna Jaller

Ever catch yourself thinking:  "My dating life is so epic, it would make a great movie or tv series!!" followed by "that's ridiculous, movies take thousands of dollars?!" or even "that's ridiculous!  It's the pandemic, I can't even GO to the movies!!" ?

Well friends, I have not one but TWO incredible filmmaking teams that beat both odds and managed to create gorgeous, hilarious, heartwarming content, pandemic be damned, about modern dating.

Eirinn Disbrow (Director) and Anna Jaller (Producer, Actor) created Love in 2020, an all-too-familiar tale of managing dating while quarantined inside your home, that ultimately becomes a love story about falling in love with yourself.

Jonan Feingold (Writer, Director) created Dating & New York, about two hopeless millennials cursed by the paradox of love, dealing with tackling technology and communication in a modern day rom-com with a twist.

I chat with them both about whether these stories will be interesting to future generations, why modern dating stories are still needed, and how their projects fit into the overall narrative of female desire. 

Watch Love in 2020

Watch Dating & New York

EP 56: YOU NEED AN AGE DETOX

Let's acknowledge some assumptions about older age that have been programmed into us.

• People of an older age naturally feel a need to settle down.  
• They get comfortable in their ways.  They're afraid to take risks.  They're happy the way things are.  They're inflexible.
• They don't take care of themselves and they "let themselves go", because they stop caring.
• All older men want to date much younger women.
• They give zero fucks.

Okay, the last one is 100% true.  But the rest aren't always.  Why do we have certain preconceptions of certain age groups?  Who put them there?  Why do we let ourselves define people by age anyway?  My guest Kim, who is 59 and struggles with meeting men her age who match her at her enthusiasm for living, chats with me about when we decided what age meant what exactly, and what would happen if we all did away with that filter... who might you fall in love with if age wasn't an issue?

VOP Ron, also 59, shares his side of the story on why men his age act a certain way and broadens to scope to consider culture and location.  Who would you fall in love with if you could unprogram yourself?

Join us for this interesting convo and feel free to share your thoughts here or over on instagram @hashtagsinglepod!! 

EP 55: YOUR FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE | Olivia Summerhill

August is National Financial Awareness month (it's okay, we didn't know either), so in honor of always trying to become more aware and educated, this month's guest is the very badass Olivia Summerhill of Summerhill Wealth Management, an asset management firm that specifically works with high net worth women before, during, and after divorce.

If the words "wealth" and "high net worth" have you about to skip this episode, hear me out: this conversation is way more than talking about what house billionaires get to keep after they find their husband boinking the nanny.  It's true in America that there's a huge void when it comes to empowering women in terms of money and specifically in divorce, where it's more likely that the husband has been managing the finances of the family.  Women need to know what our options are and what our rights are, and as the financial advisor sector is very male-dominant, Olivia has created a firm that ONLY works with women in order to be an ally and a champion and to provide a safe space for women who may not have had the same financial education that their spouses have had.

So we're not just talking wealthy divorce, we're talking approaching money from a place of financial literacy, empowerment, and even if you're single, understanding the psychology, emotions, and behaviors behind your own personal approach to finances.

Okay so maybe all those words still have you running for the hills, but I promise you you'll become as big a fan of Olivia Summerhill as I am after this episode.  She even shares some free resources for those of us not lucky enough to be able to hire her!

Learn more about Olivia here!

Listen to Olivia's podcast here.

EP 54: LEARNING FROM OUR MOTHERS

Everyone has a "my mom told me" story when it comes to sex and dating.  Sometimes they're funny, oftentimes they're weird, and every once in a blue moon there's that best friend who brags about how she got the cool mom who gave her the deets like the older sister we all craved. 

My guest Tati was homeschooled until college, which means she lacked the requisite sex ed we had to suffer in school and also missed out on all the secret information that was whispered in the girls locker room.  Not to mention - her mother told her she was a virgin until marriage... which turns out (spoiler!) was not true.

Our VOP Jeff on the other hand was brought up by a mother who taught him about condoms before he hit puberty.  

So how exactly did our moms input influence our expectations and information around dating?  And what about our mom's mom, what kind of info did she get (if any?).

Join us as we talk about the legacies that trickled down maternally, as well as dating powerful men, and why men don't respond to women who message first.